Soaring on Wings

service is tiring. i need a vacation. haha. i will update when i am of better humor. :plove and miss you all,jess

   All has been more or less well around here. We are just still working and the kdis ar back in school, so that is always a good thing. There is always the usual homework, activities, and 8.30 bedtime.There is something going on here that really hit me hard the other day. Due to the fact that a lot of the kids have come from different backgrounds and situations, sometimes they have a lot on their plate. The other day one of my girls told me that she had been caught for cutting herself, and would be moving the section in which she would be living. And she was telling me because she was not happy and no one understood her, and then she seemed to be looking at me for some type of solution, which made me feel so dumb. On the spot, and I had no idea what to tell her or how to comfort her to feel better. If  I have not even found what makes me happy or how to obtain at least being content in life, with all that I have and all that I have had the ability to do, how in the world am I supposed to give this girl any advice?? And we all pass through life feeling like no one can possibly understand all the burdens that we carry, perhaps not always and for the entirety of our life, but it is at least a touch and go feeling. SO, I remained blank, and nothing good to say at all. I am still trying to think of what I can say to her, but I do not feel that I will be having any revelations any time soon. . . . .

i put up some pics…

of fish cleaning in the house, an outing to a local park, some of just around the house, and some other randoms..click on the photobucket link entitled new as of sept 3 to check them out!!

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/features-reviews/life/1539-alcohol-a-commentaryhmmmmm…. read it. check it out.living in this world and trying to keep your faith and be a good example is never easy…

Sorry I had not updated in a while. It seems we had our computer tech guy come in and put up a new firewall..and I couldnt log on or update until he added my blog to our ok list. So, very sorry..it has been a while.Right now we are in our summer vacation in the house, which is super crazy! Being the activities director for the whole house entails organizing and (trying to maintain participation) of ALLLLL the kids everyday. There are 4 time blocks of 1.5 hours each, and motivation is getting hard to come by in the second week. Everyone is tired…everyone just wants to rest, but obviously it is not possible to just let plus 500 kids just do whatever they want and just relax and loaf around for five weeks. That would take so much more supervision than we could ever possibly have. So, as it stands, we have 14 activities for the morning each day, and 6 for the night that the kids are rotating through. Yes, probably not the most interesting schedule…it can get a little boring…..And the cycle repeats every 7 or 8 days. (Though it is not so bad considering they only happen from Monday thru Friday, so about every week and a half…) But checking that all is running and such is really wearing me out, especially since the adults running it are getting tired and just want to loaf around as well. But just 2 weeks to go and then  back to school!!!! (Thank God..hahaha)We are having our anniversary the following weekend. It should be a big celebration with hopefully cake! I have been wanting some for a long time. I think I have developed an addiction to carbs here. Oh man, and I am assured of it everyday when I see my little belly…hahahahaha. The food here really is the hardest thing to get used to. Not due to the fact that we are in Mexico, but just due to the fact that it is very limited and rather unhealthy AlwayS..I will be playing in our anniversary basketball tourney with some of the girls and other adults. Oh man, this should be interesting. I have found that I can no longer run up and down the court for an hour and a half cuz I get too tired. EEk. How lazy. But I guess once the schedules get back to normal I can get back to exercising and sleeping HAHA.Ok, well I really must go ring the bell to start the next round of summer activities. More pictures to come, I hope. I think I finally found a cord that works for my camera, though this computer doesnt like my software program all too much. . . See ya,J

1. i posted pics of our graduation.

2. there’s more of my girls.

3. see the photobucket link to the right…..check it out!!!

So I am super exhausted, but excited to be going home in about a week to renew my papers to return to Mexico. It will be good to get to see my family and all and just relax. Tired is not even the word for how I feel right now, but almost through!

Last night we stayed up and played socceer until after midnight…in the pouring rain. It was so slippery and so fun. And the guys here are amazing. THey were just kind of skating around on the wet pavement and their foot work was not even effected. The kids here are SO good at socceer that it is amazing. THey looked like they were ice skating.

And it’s official. THis place is super rough on flip flops. Ha. Yesterday I broke the last pair I have. Oh no. And the worst part is, they were ones that were gifted to me by one of my girls when she saw what bad shape my other ones where in. hahaha. She’s such a sweet kid. She gave them to me  since hers didn’t fit her…she has such a good heart. I often wish I could take her home with me. SO, my feet are too big to buy pretty flops here. EH, no big. Haha. I played soccer barefoot last night anywyas to avoid sliding and breaking my neck, so my feet are getting used to it :p

Well, way behind on work. I should go. Post pics later….

J

So we just got back from a youth retreat for the weekend, which was super interesting. And fun. and tiring. I had forgotten how it was to take a bunch of jr. high kids out on a retreat…even if we did return every night and sleep here and walk back to the hotel each day.

We took 32 kids and it was really, really good to be back in the setting and with the kids and all of that. I realized how much i missed it and MY GIRLS in Adrian. I miss them A TON. The music was good WE ate really well. Well maye not well as in healthy..but well as in better than beans and tortillas and stuff like that… and we swam in the pool and just hung around this beautiful hotel that is a really good price, just in case anyone ever wants to come here to visit me…hahaha…

i will upload pics soon. promise. as soon as they are passed to me

J

So yesterday we had our regular volunteer activity and it was a little nuts. There were 3 of us for ALL of the kids for our part of the activity. We tried to have them all make a drawing or write a poem about family (their family, NPH). Well, it ended up that almost all the tables got colored all over with the crayons and the place was trashed and it was slightly stressful. Or maybe I should take the stressful off that. It was very stressful. We ended up having to hunt all the kids down who wrote their names all over the tables and they had to come back and clean the whole dining hall.

But eh, over and done with. On a better note, I got to sit and chat with one of my girls. It was really nice. Her mom lives in Texas, with her sister too, and she really wants to go over there when she is 18 to be with her mom, rather than go to college. ALthough I don’t necessarily agree with that, it was cool to see her talk abotu what she really wants to do- make music and sing. And that is all she wants to do. She is a really good kid, and at least she has ambitions and dreams some kids here don’t. So we’ll try and convince her how important school is (and tell her she could study music!!!)

The winners got family photos taken, which we are going to print for them (from the drawing and poem contest), which i have added under the photobucket link Enjoy.

J

so today i was sitting and waiting for a meeting to start outside my coordinator’s door and a little boy came up to me from the house. he is this little string bean kid with big ears and he’s super talkative and he bolts up the stairs, in tennis shoes that are very obviously about 4 sizes too big. they’ll probably end up fitting him in two years or so, but he is SOOOO proud of them. you can tell. they are definately kept clean, especially considering he is about a 9 year old boy. (here everyone washes their tennis shoes at least weekly and they keep them even when they are torn and falling apart and the soles are flapping around). anyways, he tells me that they are new and someone gave them to him. and then he says, like its a big secret, “but they dont fit me yet”. oh man, this is when you smile and say, “really? it looks like they fit fine”and leave it there.

and i was smiling for like ten minutes just watching him entertain himself by running up and down the stairs

J

so tonight we had a talent show and i have taken some pics. and also there are some others from a dinner we had with the other volunteers.

and also i have some videos… does anyone know how I can post them so you all can see them???

this past week has been good with my girls. i really love them a ton and it will be super hard to leave them in jan. they borrow your clothes and your hair irons and most likely will never give the stuff back, haha, but they are so worth being here

for the new pics, check out the link to the right titled new as of may 30

has been the past couple of days.

but at least we had tuna the other day, which was good because I could actually eat the food.

and i can always get hugs from my girls when I’m down, so that is always good.

we haven’t had internet in about 3 days, sorry. but pics and updates as soon as they get on that.

J

So this last week or so has just been very crazy, which I feel is the theme of my life lately.

This weekend my closest friend here lost both his parents in a car accident, and it was just so very sad. The customs here for funerals are so different from those that we have in the states. I ended up going and staying and helping the family for the whole thing and man, it was a long, hard bit.

The night of the death, the whole family stays up and stays with the deceased, as to not leave them alone. THis one happened to be in the home of the deceased since their son is still living there. I assume otherwise it would be in another family member’s home. Its like a rememberance wake, and it goes on all night here in this part of Mexico. I stayed up until 5 am serving hot coffee and tea to those that had come to the house. And there were a lot of people who showed up. And also, there was live music until about 11 or 12 during this wake. It is a time to sit with family and freinds and remember the person and to just be with them. It’s really sad and happy at the same time…a very odd thing. At one moment people are laughing about a memory, which then makes it very sad immeadiately since the caskets are right there in front of you and you’re in the space where the lived and breathed every day. It’s hard to describe.

The next morning, without anyone going home, everyone went to the church for the funeral mass. The caskets, which were loaded into the back of a truck,  then are followed as everyone who was attending followed on foot to the church. There were people of all ages walking with candles and flowers and such, enough to stop traffic and make a police escort necessary.I ended up going in the truck, as I had been asked to escort the grandmother and take care of her, and it was almost surreal to look out the back window of the truck and see both the caskets and the people and the flowers and hear the band, since the same band came back and was walking with everyone and playing music at the same time.

After a long, slow and sad 3 or so miles through the town, we arrived at the church, where the funeral mass was given. It was really somber and sad, especially staying with the grandmother who was grieving the loss of her daughter.  It was a beautiful church though, and a beautiful message, especially with how the priest still sang the parts of the mass and it echoed off all the walls, even if it wasn’t in Latin. The priest talked about how God causes all to happen for a reason, despite our lack of knowledge of why life is happening the way that it is.To end it, he baptized the coffins again, baptizing the deceased and then about 8 men picked up the coffins to carry them on foot again to the cemetary.

The cemetary was farther away, and everyone was following the caskets again. Once we got to the cemetary they lowered the caskets into what can only be described as a cement shelf structure underground that belonged to the family. In essence, they just put the caskets in the family lot, and its like a shelf where they stack them all, so they all stay together. I went down into it, to put a flower on his mother’s grave, and it was quite an odd thing. To go down into it with a ladder. Some others passed and did the same, and the caskets are cemented into place. It felt very final and such, having a funeral and at the same time wathing someone mix cement and having them going down into the grave and all while everyone was still standing around. It almost made it more final than just leaving and going back oneday and seeing that there is now dirt there, like we do in the US. You see the finality of it all.

After the burial, everyone goes back to the house for lunch, which is when I just stayed in the kitchen and helped serve drinks again. There are memorial type flower arrangements placed where the coffins sat and everyone just sits around again and spends time together. Rosary is then said that night, and the following nights, as everyone gathers around to pray for the deceased and the family in general.

ALso, in light of how it happened, after lunch we went to the sight of the accident to leave crosses and flowers and pray as well. It was very surreal to see. The scrap metal from the accident was still just brushed to the side of the road. Someone found a sandal in the mess, and there was a discussion whether or not it was his mom’s or not. (I don’t know what ended up happening, but it seemed sad that the mess was left there unattended). After prayers and lit candles, the whole group went back to the house again and had more coffee and tea, though after a couple hours I had to leave. After nearly 24 hours of cleaning and dishes and all that and with all the emotional stress, I was worn out.

I know it seems odd to describe this all in a blog, but I do it for a couple reasons. One, despite the fact that I was torn apart beyond words to know that his mom was gone ( I was almost over the house everyday and really, really loved her as a human being and a really good person) I found it crazy that I had no idea what to do being in a different culture. It is interesting how we see things, such as death, so differently. We would never think of having a live band and normal (like dancing) music at someone’s funeral in the US. Also, I think to vent. I have been sad beyond belief since it happened, with an actual physical pain in my chest. I was supposed to go visit this morning, before it all happened and I still feel that if I were to go she would just walk out of the kitchen and be there, or be on her way back from an errand to town or something. It’s surreal. That is the only way I can describe it. It is very hard to hide my sorrow, still at this point.

She was such a beautiful lady, I miss her terribly. Her home and the way she made it and the way it was always so open and full of hospitality and welcoming, made me really want to be here. People like her make me want to stay here. And that is the honest to God truth.  It was just a beautiful home and a wonderful place to be. Always.

I really don’t know what else to say. SHe’ll def be missed by a LOT of people. Please pray for the family and my friend, he is still in shock about it all. He’s so worreid about serving coffee and tea to the family for the next week (they will visit until then) that as of day 2 he hadn’t eaten anything or slept at all.

LIfe is sometimes a lot of heartache, but we must move on (as he told me the other day),

J

Well its super late here. But I have been working hard to get my scheduling done for summer activites. Minor set backs still, but hey at least I just did the bulk outline. Or at least I hope that is good. I am kind of sick of doing the same thing over and over and over again. Yuck. And I might have almost learned how to use Excel, which seems to be a really good tool. That is for sure. And I owe one of the guys here for letting me use him computer and two, showing me how to use the program in the first place. Lets just hope it looks as good tomorrow when I print the whole thing out. Ugh. I hope.  It has been storming here all night and it is so lovely. It was raining so hard and lightning. I think storms are gorgeous. If I wouldn’t have been working on a laptop I might have gone outside and just enjoyed it. But it’s not even the rainy season yet. When that gets here we will have more rain than we know what to do with. That is for sure. All is okay here. Learning (still) and trying to get all my stuff straight. And I have really been learning a lot about being human and all that kind of stuff. And also a lot about prayer, which is good. And I don’t know- I guess I have been thinking about a lot in general, which could be bad if I don’t learn to shut it off. Today I had chocolate cake for Michelle’s birthday, which was amazing. OH yes. And this weekend was good. Went to a movie and lunch with one of the ladies from the church I go to. Ohhhh and one of my friends came from Guadalajara, so it was nice to see him again. Hmmm…what else….. Tomorrow back to work with the section, so maybe I should go to bed now that it is almost 3 am. YiKeS. Swine flu is almost done with here I hope…or at least all the panic, and we are all safe and sound so far. Well Goodnite and comment :) J 

Last night we had patio and the kids went and played soccer. It was really long and took forever, but I spent the whole night with a 6 year old that has recently got here. It was really nice to just listen to him tell me aout his family and his house and  how there are 10 of them. It was just a really good night. Even though I am SO exhausted, and it helped me remember why I am here. And I can’t believe that he let me hold him for that long without trying to run or escape or play or anything.

And today lunch freaked me out. They served me an actual, whole fish that was about 9 inches long that had been deep fried eye balls and all. And the kids LOVED it. I watched one of my  skinny little twiggy girls eat three whole fish about that size. And the last one that she ate she had picked the spine clean..the only thing that remained was the tail and the head. It truly and honestly seemed like the cartoons when they draw fish like that. Oh man. Definately interesting.

I hope today keeps going as it has been, besides my migraine headache, but the day has been good. I have even been okay with being locked in here still. Well, actually the past two days have been like that.

Got a letter from my aunt today! THanks for writing.

God bless,

J

So just thought I’d share how its been the past couple of days, and thanks to God, my attitude has been a lot better the last two days. Good thing, was starting to think I was going to be negative forever.

We have just been having patio and night time hang out with the kids, since they don’t have to go to school, and it was kind of nice last night. We just sat around and joked around with them and just kind of wasted time. It almost made me forget that the doors to the outside were locked.

Today we celebrated all the birthdays in the hosue for the month of February. We packed up bags with gifts today- mostly donations of t shirts and underwear and socks and flipflops.  There were 40 of the kids whose birtdays had passed. We spent all day making invitations to the special dinner and decorating and all of that. We cooked everything by hand, between about 22 encargados, and ended up having a really good dinner with cake and ice cream to top it off. The kids were just hanging out and enjoying their special time. We cooked way too much food and ended up having to save a good half of it, but hey, it could be worse. Better than not having enough.

Also, as a prayer request, can you all please pray about the flu situation here in Mexico. Some of our kids have been running fevers as of late, and not to panic, but we have to take care of them extra carefully. If it were to spread in this house, with all 600 kids closed in, it could be catastrophic. I’m sure its the same in the states as well, but the shared community where everything is everyone’s makes it so much more dangerous for the kids. At least the volunteers and such have a little privacy, but that is not the case for our children.

I hope this blog makes sense. My brain is fried and my body is exhausted.  And my stoamch is WAY too full after dinner AND ice cream and cake. I can honestly say that this is the first time that I have eaten well since I have arrived. And we even had chicken, woo hoo.

Have a good night,

J

So, this thing has us all under house arrest and locked up. Yuck. We cant go to the store, we cant even leave the walls of the hacienda. ugh. It stinks to be locked in. But maybe thats okay, since I cant leave to buy chocolate and feed my addiction.

And the kids dont have school, so its back to vacation schedule, which is grueling. Oh man. All day everyday. The government has suspended school until the 6 of May.

check out the two new links under the photobucket section…

new as of april …

titled honduras and new mexico.

enjoy.

j

i think God is really trying to break me here.

which if it is happening, hey, its happening.

but its just really hard when it does. especially me. im stubborn. with the genes of both my parents.

i only ask for prayers, please.

and p.s. i think i have to wait to upload pics. i am not sure if i know how to use the cord or if it was the right one that i got in the mail.

and my fan died. i think i lost 5 lbs. last night in my sauna of a room…..

PraY.

J

which means braids..and i just sat there for two and a half hours and let my girls put super fine braids in all my hair..hahahaha..i will have to post a pic. it actually came out really good, though it makes me look like im 16 hahahaha.

we are all sick here, hope this passes soon. we have a couple volunteers that havent gotten out of bed for like 4 days.

even though i wasnt around the day it happend, we had a fire due to the dry season. someone was buring and not taking care of it very well. it ended up spreading and all, and all the kids that were old enough…like 13 and up…went out there and were just throwing bucket after bucket of water to try and put the grass fire out. it almost arrived at the front door of the house of our directors here. everyone was filthy and sooty and they were out there for hours and hours. i feel kind of bad that i was not around to help, but i was out of the house for work : (

other than that, no big news. the kids are back to school after this week and that will be a relief, to be honest. its a lot harder to not have a break during the day, and then to work till late and night.

been trying to pray thirty minutes every morning without stopping. thats rough. maybe if you read this, you could pray that i pray more..haha…i find it really helps my peace of mind here.

well i should go back to work, post a pic of the braids soon, as my mom sent me the cord to download pics, so soon they wont be so slow to go up!!!

J